Early morning complaining. . .

I need to complain and since it is half past four in the morning and everyone is asleep except ME, my blog will have to do. It is going to have to be a one-sided conversation though, otherwise I might just seem a little loopy and chase readers away lol Ok.. so back to my complaint. Let me start by explaining that I live on a rock where it hardly ever gets dark outside (which is why I never sleep anymore) and where people have no idea what a butternut is. I have a terrible craving for Spur Salad Dressing (you know the pink one...yeah!), but I am NOT willing to pay the equivalent of R60 for a bottle. It is bad enough that I pay almost R30 for a box of 40 Rooibos teabags. I hate the meat over here and the Fanta Orange tastes crap. I mainly live on pap (note: I never liked it that much) with tomato and onion sauce, sandwiches, and vegetables. I am cold 90 percent of the time and I would SO like to have a sosatie right now. These people have never seen a patty pan, a gemsquash, or a guava and probably never will. NOW... tell me again who is the one from the THIRD WORLD country? I like to moan sometimes, so when you see a post like this...just pass ok? It is just a way for me to get the time over. Ek is eintlik net gatvol vir al die engelse kos en persoonlik dink ek meeste van die mense is onnodig buierig, bederf deur hulle regering wat skatryk is en hulle waardeer niks. Oraait, so hier van die klip se kant af hoop ek julle daar in SA geniet julle week :o)

My View: Parental Alienation and the South African Law

I tried to phone Xaynee yesterday.

When Johan answered the phone, he was immediately on the attack. I could hardly get a word in as he was going on about how rude it was of me to put down the phone on him the other day. I interrupted him and asked if I could please speak to Xaynee, so he told me "No, you can't."

I just said "Ok.", then I put down the phone and continued with the ironing. Then I thought, well, ok then...just another thing I am going to make a note of, but I wanted to know WHY I couldn't speak to her.

I phoned him again and again he was shouting at me, again I interrupted and asked him for a reason. He replied that it was because I was rude to him and started going on about the fact that I'm not giving him any money for her, I just put the phone down on him again.

I'm sorry, I just don't need that treatment any longer. I don't HAVE to talk to him, I only want to speak to my child.

After that I started chatting with my dad on MSN. Yeah... I decided that it's better to make peace with my parents, although they don't offer me the kind of support that I really need, at least they want me to be happy.

Exactly 20:00 SA time I phoned Dolf's cellphone to speak to Lili. It was off.
Tried again, off.
So I tried phoning the house phone, twice, no answer.
I was getting worked up, I realized I wasn't going to talk to Lili, again.
Then I phoned her stepmom's number, here they kept pressing the 'ignore' button or something because I got the same message 3 times that "The other person has cleared."
I tried phoning the other numbers again and finally gave up.

I got back on MSN and my dad said that he will try to phone from his number.

This was between 20:15 and 20:30.

After a while my dad came back and told me that my mom phoned from one of his other cellphone numbers.

Dolf's mother picked up the phone and told my mom that Dolf and Elsabe were visiting them for the weekend, but that Lili was already asleep and that Dolf said my mom can phone on Monday at 20:00. So my mom asked if she couldn't just phone the next day (which is today), and Dolf's mom replied that Dolf is refusing that Lili be bothered during a weekend. She also made the following comments to my mom: "You phone from strange numbers hey?" and "There is a new agreement between Renata and Dolf's attorney now".

To be honest, this type of thing doesn't even surprise me anymore.

My dad said to me that he's sure Lili knows what they're doing, but she can't do anything about it. That made me feel better, I remember how Lili told me that she knew and I mentioned it to my dad. I also explained to him that I am going to sue Dolf for the total amount of the maintenance that he is in arrears with.

I also told my dad that there is no agreement with an attorney and that I'm only working through the social worker, because mediation is her work.

I just need to ask my dad which number he phoned Elsabe's phone from. This time I'm making notes of every damn thing. I am not going to let them get away with doing this. In my point of view, all they care about is THEM, not Lili. Their actions are out of spite, not caring. I'm kind of getting the feeling that they are starting to panic, but I may be imagining things.

I know I'm young and I still have so much to learn about life, but I also know that I have expererience in alot of things, like judging people. I have worked with many different kinds of people in my work and I gained knowledge through my experiences. I is still shocking to see how downright stupid some people can be though.

By answering that phone call from my dad, after ignoring my phone calls, they just proved how stupid they really are. I don't believe Lili was asleep, but if they didn't lie, they would also have admitted to deliberately refusing me to have contact with her. These are just my thoughts on it, and I might be wrong because I am sad, but it makes me angry that South Africa has a system which allows parents to actually do this to their children, despite the fact that there are actually laws that is supposed to prevent it.

Laws like:

General Law Further Amendment Act, No 93 of 1962 Section One provides criminal sanctions for a parent who fails to comply with an order of court relating to access to children: “(1) Any parent having custody of his or her minor child in terms of an order of court, who contrary to such order and without reasonable cause, refuses the child’s other parent access to such child or prevents such other parent from having such access, shall be guilty of an offence and liable on conviction to a fine or to imprisonment for a period not exceeding one year or to such imprisonment without the option of a fine.”

Mediation services seems to be governing the law and there is nothing I can do about it, except make another phone call on Monday morning to the social worker and tell her about this.

As I mentioned earlier, I think they are getting paranoid. I kept staying one step ahead of them and they didn't expect that. Like when they moved to Bloemfontein, they didn't expect me to find out about it OR find out what their telephone number is etc. In the end my constant emails to the Department of Social Development and my complaints paid off, because that kept me that one step ahead. Dolf didn't expect me to contact a social worker either, that explains his phone call to me the day he phoned and shouted at me for "...putting the welfare on his case...".

Now, I don't know much about the law and the way I see things might not even be right, but I was never planning on letting this go. I am a mother and I love my child, it's natural to only want the best for her. In SA I didn't have access to the information on the internet the way I do now and even now that I do, it is shocking to see that most sites are focused on children being kept away from fathers, not mothers. Make no mistake, it helped me to gain alot of information about the issue and I really sympathize with these fathers as Andy is in the same type of situation.

In South Africa I did apply for legal aid, I never got any. After a while it felt like either you need the money to fight the system, or you have to be like Dolf and Johan (and their families), and be able to manipulate the people in the right places.

I did not have the money, and I am not manipulative. So the system allow the WRONG people to get away with the RIGHT things. You can't blame the system though, so how do you solve something like this?

I know now that (from what I can understand anyway), I still have custody. Dolf's problem is that he wants custody, because he wants maintenance. The Children's Court could only place Lili in his foster care, they didn't grant him any money and knowing him, I think he expected them to. The Children's Court can only place a child in foster care for a period of two years, after which the matter has to go back to court. During the two years, mediation services are supposed to monitor the situation and IDEALLY try to place the child in the parent's care who has custody. If this is not in the best interest of the child, the matter will go back to court EVERY to years, unless custody is granted to the other parent by the High Court, so for Dolf to get custody though, he will have to go to the High Court.

That is a problem for him. He doesn't have the money and trying to get custody in a court of law can get quite expensive. I know by this time that if I couldn't even get legal aid, he sure as hell won't. Not for custody.

What really bugs the living shit out of me though is all the questions I have. Questions that, if you don't have the right attorney (when I think in terms of an attorney, I panic because I know they are expensive), you will never have answered. If you ask the social worker, they only talk your question away or simply say "Yeah... but you see, we don't really work with the law..." and then they start explaining to you that they only have to look at what is best for the child blah.. blah..

I also mentioned to my dad then that the social worker on Xaynee's case said it's ok that Johan won't allow me to speak to her and that I am going to report her. I contacted the SACSSP during the week and they sent me the forms, but I first have to complain to the social worker's organisation she is working for's head office. I tried to contact them on Friday, but there was no answer, so I'll do it tomorrow.

Ah well... That's it from me for today.

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend :o)

Liver Biopsy

Tomorrow morning at 11:00 am I have to go for a liver biopsy.

Crazy as that may seem, I'm scared.

The last liver biopsy I had was more than 4 years ago and it was in a State Hospital in South Africa.

Now, I've seen and been in many hospitals in my life, but South Africa's State Hospitals are a nightmare. If you don't have a medical aid or ALOT of money to make use of private medical care, you have no choice though, as I had no choice back then.

Forget about cleanliness and hygiene if you think of a state hospital in SA. The longest I have ever been in one was about 5 days and it was during this time that the liver biopsy was also performed.

I had no idea what they were going to do, but I had an idea, as it involves removing liver tissue with a biopsy needle.

They came and took me from the ward, I sat there waiting outside for about 40 minutes and then they simply performed the biopsy. I wasn't given any anaesthetic and it hurt like hell. I was pushed back to the ward and I was crying (I have a very high tolerance for pain though). I started coughing alot, so they sent me for x-rays and I was told that the biopsy needle was shot through my lung and that it was only fluid that I'm coughing up and nothing to be worried about.

I tend to engrave these memories in my mind in such a way that I get terrified whenever I think about it.

I told Andy that I'm scared, but I don't think he really understands HOW scared I really am and he will be at work tomorrow :(

I know that it will be different over here, the medical care is excellent even though it is provided by the state, but that doesn't make me feel any better.

Xenophobia in South Africa

It's almost impossible to describe this feeling inside me.

Like standing outside a glass cage, looking in. I am becoming one of THEM.

THEM: the people I used to ask in my thoughts...why aren't you doing anything? Can't you see the pain? Why aren't you helping?

I realised this and I asked myself...but why?

Maybe because I am safe?
Maybe because I only found out about the Xenophobia on a blog?
Maybe because I don't see the killing and torture on the news every day?

That doesn't make it right...I know.

I used to wonder and judge because I thought they didn't WANT to help. Then I opened my eyes...they don't understand.

It's sad, they are so ignorant.

They called me a racist when I came here, I didn't deny it. I knew the truth, they would never understand if I tried to explain. They live in a haven of peace of prosperity, they don't know hi-jackings, rape and murder.

They are afraid.

South Africans have grown used to the violence and crime. There is no right and wrong, justice is just a word with a definition that they don't practice.

I'm not ashamed to be a South African, I'm just disappointed that people look at me and judge me for something I am not.

We are not judged as a person, we are judged as a nation.

Xenophobia in the townships have proved that there is no control and no justice. It was bound to happen sooner or later, it's just sad that innocent people's lives are being taken as a result from it.

South African Hospitals

Sooooooooooooooo.........

I needed to cheer myself up a bit and I thought a good SA joke would do it, I ended up on this site: GPSA

LOL nice way of reminding myself why I left South Africa...

Actual writings on Mpumalanga (Northern Transvaal - S.A.) hospital charts:

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11.Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
29.Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Me? Racist?!

The other day ended in a huge argument between me and Andy. I felt hurt, alone and I missed home.
His brother's girlfriend started on me about how racist we are. Now, needless to say, that is a very sensitive issue for most white South Africans...except the liberal ones ofcourse.
I tried to ignore the issue but started getting angry because people tend to be so prejudiced when they don't live in that once beautiful country. They seem to think that it's right that everything is being given to the black people, why not hey? It was their country first...I don't agree. I was born a South African and I will die one even though I left, due to various reasons ofcourse. When Andy's brother said it's ok that our white farmers are being murdered by black people, simply because they are white and the black people want full control over everything, I flipped.
I wanted to go back home right then and there. Andy said his brother never said it and we began to argue. He later admitted that I may have been right though and we are still not talking to his brother or the girlfriend.
I started reading blogs and articles about South Africa and the whole racism issue then and one thing became clear to me...
We are not racist, we just hate THOSE blacks.
I am beginning to understand why my brother did what he did. My anger towards the blacks are worse than ever now that I've left. Why?
Because they are destroying everything my country used to stand for. They rape, murder and torture. They manipulate and destroy and they get away with it. People all over the world think of all the poor little black children, deprived of clean water and sanitation...
Bullshit!
I used to do door-to-door sales a long time ago, I went into their homes to sell my product. Let me tell you what I saw.
There I had an advanced kitchen appliance which they liked. Why did they like it? Because the WHITE people use it. So there I was, in a huge house in a good neighbourhood, a new Merc or BMW parked outside and another in the garage, the furniture looks better than I've seen in most white people's houses. What do they ask me? If the kitchen appliance I sold could make PAP! It was then that I started realising that these 'poor previously disadvantaged' blacks CHOSE to live the way they do. They were given their freedom 14 years ago and they started to destroy every little thing that was a part of the white Afrikaner's culture. They started by taking down statues which according to them was linked to Apartheid. Then they started changing the names of streets, rivers, airports and towns. This cost money, millions in fact. Millions they could have spent on feeding the starving children who are shown to the outside world. They didn't have anything to do with the building up of those towns, yet they took our heritage away by changing names.
I can go on and on and I will. It's time for people to open their eyes and see that South Africa is being turned into the next Zimbabwe.
My children and my family are still there, for their sake I will keep fighting.