Too much to handle

I remember way back when Andy and I were apart after he left South Africa and I was waiting for my passport...

The hurt I felt back then was similar to the hurt I'm feeling now because I'm apart from my children.

Talking over the phone just isn't enough and every time I hear their little voices it feels like my heart is being torn out.

Neither Andy, nor I am religious but I remember how we both started praying back then that we could be together again soon. It was all we could do, it was out of our hands.

Tonight I decided to do the same as then. It might sound wrong, considering that I'm not really really religious but I do believe that there is a Higher Power out there.

I was brought up as a Christian, which means that for me that Higher Power is God but to be honest, I'm not bothered what his name is, I know that he is and always have been there whenever things get too much to handle.

Being a perfectionist by nature hasn't made anything easier for me. I know now that I can't control every aspect of my life and that everything can't be perfect.

As hard as I try, I can't make everything turn out to be perfect for me and those I love, no matter how hard I try,

I have always hated this feeling of being out of control.

Well, tonight I want God to help me. I want him to take over my problems and guide me because I can't do it on my own. Not anymore. I tried and I failed.