Useless info about my day lol

I was feeling a bit better today, maybe it had something to do with the fact that I had the chance to speak to Lili last night. Although it makes me sad that I can't be with her, it always makes me happy to hear her little voice. I am trying not to let it bother me as much that she always seems to be uncomfortable and I pretend to take no notice because I think that makes it easier for her as well. I promised her that I will try to convince the social worker to allow for me and Andy to take her away for a short holiday, even if it's only a few days. She sounded so excited and she said she can speak a bit of english now. Now I only have to start teaching Andy some more Afrikaans. I haven't been able to bring myself to try to phone Xaynee again though. I do feel guilty, but it hurts so much to just think that I will probably not be able to talk to her if I do try to phone. I know I will bring myself to do phone eventually, maybe in a day or two. Today I went to the shops with FMIL and it turned out to be more fun than I expected it to be, we even forgot to pick up Andy lol ...It was also nice and warm today. For the first time I could actually smell the sea air as we were driving next to the beach and I can't wait for us to start going down to the beach. I really wouldn't trade this for the world, I just wish I could share it with my children and my parents.