My Story Part Ten

The court case was coming up in July last year. Shortly before that I saw the social worker for the last time. She told me straight that my chances of getting Lili back was slim.

It was then that I contacted a medium who had a show on our radio. I just needed something to hold on to.

The night I appeared live on her show I was alone. I was telling my story but I was crying the whole time. The medium's name was Michaela and she then told me that my little girl misses me alot and that she really wants to be with me. She also said that Xaynee needed me to stay strong and that she doesn't understand why I'm so sad. Her final words to me was that I had no future with Johan and that there is someone else out there for me.

Johan was very upset about what she said. He started manipulating his way into gaining control over me once again. I was living on my own, but had to ask him for everything I needed. He never gave me money.

Then about a week before the court case, Johan phoned me and told me that his brothers had beaten him up in front of Xaynee.

I panicked. I was worried about Xaynee and told Johan it's ok if he moved in with me for a while.

He told me that the whole fight started because he confronted his mother about an sms she had received from Dolf. I was shocked. I couldn't believe that she still had contact with Dolf. Johan said he accused his mom of meddling in my business and threatened to take his children and leave but that was when his brothers stepped in.

Johan's ex wife took their kids for that night and he and Xaynee came to me.

He told me that he was sorry for being so blind about his mother. I had no sympathy. I hated him and I told him straight that I can't love him.

The day I was to appear in court, I sat outside and I could see Lili in Dolf's car. They wouldn't even let her come to me.

I may have looked all good and professional that day but my head was a mess and my heart was breaking as Lili came into the court room and her stepmother took her and put her on her lap.

My father took me to Kuruman that day but he never got out of the car.

The magistrate went through the assessment and social worker's report and asked me if there was anything I wanted to say. I tried to prove to him that Dolf was acting out of revenge by using the sms's he had sent me.

Nothing worked and the magistrate told me that if I really had Lili's best interests at heart then I wouldn't have Johan in my life at all. I couldn't think. Nothing made sense. The magistrate considered Johan as a threat to Lili's safety and placed Lili in Dolf's care for 2 years after which the matter will go back to court.

I started crying as I left the court room and totally broke down as I saw Dolf walk outside clapping his hands. He had won and he was making it worse for me.

We then had a meeting with the social worker in Kuruman to discuss visitation rights and contact.

We agreed that I could phone Lili on Monday, Thursday and Saturday nights.

She could also visit me during one short and one long holiday and I could see her whenever I was in Kuruman, provided that I let Dolf know two days in advance.

Lili was sitting on my lap the whole time and lay her head against me. I knew she didn't understand what was happening. I also knew that she loved me.

As we were driving back to Pretoria that day, I could feel a little part of me staying with my little girl in Kuruman.

She knew I loved her.