Maybe it's time...

After today... I just can't help thinking and feeling that it's time to give up on this fight. I've been fighting for so long and I have put my whole life on hold, I'm losing my fight against my illness and my depression slowly. I can feel myself slipping away. My heart breaks a little more every time I hear that people like my dad today, have spoken to Lili and they tell me that she sounds happy and content. Yet, the next day they press me for answers about what's going on with the social workers.

I just don't know anymore.

Today I phoned the Department of Social Development in Bloemfontein. I was given another telephone number then but there was no answer. I phoned back and forth while I was sitting there thinking...another dead-end street.

Eventually I phoned Child Welfare but the social worker was busy, so I spoke to a student there who took down all the details and told me that she will give it through to the social worker. So now it's another long wait...

I love my children so much, but this is starting to get to me. I don't think I'm ever going to get them back.

At least Andy proved today that he really is willing to work. He is going for an interview tomorrow morning.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow, but at this stage I just feel that I'm fighting a losing battle. I can only give so much until there is nothing left to give.