Been A While...

Well it's been a while since I've been here and alot has happened...

I'm finally in...or is that on? ...Guernsey with just about everything I've got...except my children :(

It wasn't easy, that much I can say. I had to go through hell with immigration in South Africa just to get on the plane...twice.

It's been a week since I landed on the island now after I had three terrible flights with turbulence and I had to wait for hours in Abu Dhabi for my connecting fligt to Heathrow and when I got there...Andy wasn't there as I expected. By the time he got there I was confused and in tears.

And now...

I'm lying next to him in bed after all this time. He's sleeping and here I am...not sure if I did the right thing.

It was different when we first met...it was magical. Now...It's like there is something between us that's keeping us apart.

I feel guilty for so many reasons. The fear I had is gone and I know I'm safe but I can't help feeling sad and lonely sometimes. I miss my children and no matter how many promises Andy makes...it won't take the sadness away. I feel guilty for leaving.

I know he's trying hard and he goes out of his way to make me feel comfortable and happy but I don't feel the same anymore...I wish I could. I never meant to hurt anyone and my life just seems like more of a mess than ever before.

I never expected anything when I came over here and even his family is more than friendly but how do I explain to him that this...his kind of life is not what I'm used to?