It is 3:00 am in the morning again and I can't sleep. I'm watching recorded Star Trek episodes just to keep my mind occupied. Although I can't post about what happened yesterday right now because I'm using my phone to post this I'm really upset. I really don't know how much more of this I can take and I don't think Andy realizes just how much this is affecting me. Every morning I wake up with the hope that some solution will come out of nowhere and that all the pain and hurt will go away. Every day that passes is filled with thoughts of my children and how much I miss them and want them to be with me. Every day I cry tears that my children will never see and they don't know or even realize that without them I feel an emptiness that can never be filled. I try not to remember small things anymore because it hurts. It's difficult to describe to someone what I mean by 'hurt'. It's almost like a physical pain which just tears me apart inside. It leaves me crying for hours every day but I can't give up.