Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mothers Day in South Africa. I guess I'm happy that I slept for most of the day, I just didn't want to experience it.

It just hurts so much, just thinking that my daughter probably gave her stepmother a card or present while her dad is too selfish to allow me to even talk to her.

Saturday I tried phoning Lili again. At first they didn't answer the home telephone so I tried Dolf's cellphone again and Lili answered. She hardly answered before I heard her dad shouting in the background that she should ask me why I didn't phone on Thursday. I explained to Lili but she admitted that it was her dad who wanted to know and not her. Lili understands, she knows about my illness and that I'm not very well. I just wish someone would open their eyes and see that she isn't happy. I can hear it in her voice and it breaks my heart.

I didn't phone my mom though, I'm still angry about Xaynee. I feel disgusted by my parents' attitude, so they shouldn't expect too much from me.

Andy's mom is such a wonderful, easy-going person. Sometimes I have to keep myself from wishing that my mother was more like her. I don't think Andy appreciates his mother enough and he knows it, so I know that I'm going to pay for this later (he reads my blog behind my back lol).

That reminds me, I kinda 'forced' him to start a blog again. I used to love his blog entries, it was an easy way to get inside his head hehe

Well, this post went from depressing to happy, that's just how my moods go. Poor Andy, I don't know how he puts up with me sometimes.

I'm really proud of him though, he's gone out and proved to me that he will work to keep me here and that meant alot to me. He's also happy in his work, and that is all I really want for him, even though I get lonely when he isn't here.