And reality sinks in. . .

Here I am once again... Lying in bed, can't sleep and thoughts running in my head. I'm not even sure if I'm happy anymore. Andy's brother isn't talking to me because I asked him not to talk to Andy about the money Andy owes him for my plane ticket in front of me. I thought he'd understand that it makes me feel uncomfortable. What makes it even worse is that the neighbour told me that everyone thought I was going to start a thing with Andy's brother and that I was only here for the visa. I felt angry at first but to be honest, I can't blame anyone, I did feel comfortable with Andy's brother and they might have thought too much of it. I feel bad about him not talking to me though, it feels as though I lost a friend and that wasn't my intention. I would like to sort things out with him but on the other hand, I'm afraid of what people and especially Andy might think.
I'm also disappointed in Andy. Sometimes he can be really selfish and inconsiderate and he hurts me without even knowing it. I tend to get into a mood then because I don't really know how to handle it and not being able to express myself properly because english isn't my first language doesn't help much either. Andy's also really irresponsible as far as money is concerned and that's the last thing I need at the moment. Maybe I did expect him to be more than he really is and that is my own fault. Everyone also seem to think I'm lazy, but I'm just too afraid to simply treat this place as my house.
The people here in Guernsey are really prejudiced and they definately don't like South Africans, that much I know by now.
Andy's mom and gran have been wonderful though and they accepted me. His gran even gave me a diamond ring which is worth more than the engagement ring I had in SA.
But I'm feeling sad and lonely, not even Andy can make me feel better anymore.
I've thought about going back more than once, I have to admit, but I do love Andy and for what it's worth, I'll keep dreaming and wishing that everything will turn out ok one day.